I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
