Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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