He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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