Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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