just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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