Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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