If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
