You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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