I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
