woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I currently don't understand fingers.
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