hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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