I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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