I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
