I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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