break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
