haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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