K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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