someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
