I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
