Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
