Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
