she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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