Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
