My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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