Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
