eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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