My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I understand Curling. That high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
