im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
