drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
