apparently the secret to your success is patron
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
