we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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