i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
