he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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