it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
