For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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