Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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