i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
