woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
