i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
