I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dick very happy bro
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
