I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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