I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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