I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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