My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
