so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
