The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
