you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
