well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
