why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
