The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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