i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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