I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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