This is not my ceiling
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
