I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
