: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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