Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize