It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
