I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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