ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
