bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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