can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
