Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
