last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
