Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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